Being a hairdresser is a GRIND, especially this month. Here is a quick public service announcement: salons are in their busiest season in December. Be patient, kind and generous to your hairdresser, barber and the supporting staff. There is A LOT that goes on behind the scenes. I love memes, especially hairdresser memes, so this post is meme-heavy!

Are you asking yourself, “How would she know?” Before I was a full time “volunteer caretaker” of three children, a.k.a. “MOM” and artist, I was a hairdresser (officially, the title is “licensed cosmetologist”) in a very busy salon in New York City, then in a salon in Red Bank, New Jersey. It seems like ages ago, but I found the things I learned as a cosmetologist really useful in my life since that time.

I don’t know if it is just because I am in my forties now or the climate of our post-pandemic meta-verse world, but people (including me) seem to really be struggling navigating through this era! Keep reading, because I think my insights from my hairdressing days are applicable for all people, all ages, in the workplace and in our personal lives.

First, here is a little bit of background: there is a lot involved to become licensed cosmetologist. In the US, each state has different requirements, and you can only practice cosmetology in the state you are licensed. After many - MANY- hours in trade school studying anatomy, diseases, sanitation, safety, chemical processes, hair, skin and nail procedures, and much more…a practical and written exam is administered. The system is so outdated, leaving rookies ill-prepared to thrive in a salon environment.

The experience of being an unprepared apprentice is a unique one. Most people entering this industry are really young (some are still high school age!), and have never had a full time job, let alone a very intimate, customer-facing, physically taxing job! The expectations are very high for these young adults who believe they are embarking on a creative career. In reality, a salon career is very technical, sales and marketing-oriented, as well as very customer-focused. I could see being thrust into the salon world was a very intimidating, overwhelming experience for most newbies. That feeling of “you’re supposed to know how to do all the things well” and you don’t…well, it’s anxiety-inducing and spirit crushing for the creative soul.

When I started working in the salon, I was a college graduate with a business degree from Rutgers and a couple of years of corporate marketing under my belt. This was my second career, which added an interesting layer of craziness to my early salon industry experience. Oh, and I was pregnant with my first kid. Physically, I had terrible morning sickness (all day), the sensitive nose of a racoon that would have me gagging, was constantly lightheaded and hungry, plus my belly would really get in the way of shampooing guests…I can laugh about it now, but back then I would come home with my body aching head to toe.

Emotionally, I felt like untapped talent that didn’t fit in with the other apprentices, and grossly misunderstood. I avoided mentioning my past - that I was a college graduate - because if it came up, I noticed the more experienced coworkers would often keep me at arm’s length instead of mentoring me. I tried my best to go with the flow and just show up every day with a positive attitude even though in my heart I knew if egos were set aside, we could crush business goals as a team. As a beginner, I knew my hairdressing skills needed work, but I also knew I had a lot more to offer than that. This dissonance was frustrating, and I suppressed my desire to somehow mesh my creativity and analytical, business mind into something that could flourish. Instead, I went through the motions and code-switched to blend in with the other apprentices. After I had my first baby, I did not return to that New York City salon because I knew I would not be able to thrive in that environment.

Hairdressers, like many trade industry workers, do long hours, often weekends and holidays, with little or no breaks between guests, dehydrated, exposed to too many toxins, on their feet, arms up in the air (hello shoulder burn and neck knots), juggling family emergencies with last minute hair emergencies, giving each guest undivided attention.

Guests would regularly divulge both really serious life happenings and anecdotal stories - births, deaths, marriages, divorces, illnesses, travel adventures, tragedies, new business ventures, run-ins with the law, mental health and parenting struggles...so much more. It was an honor to be trusted in this way and the part of working as a hairdresser I miss the most: connection with all kinds of people making life feel very full.

However, the simultaneous tasks at hand would be giving a great haircut, listening intently, keeping an eye on everything else going on in the salon (including the clock and arriving or walk-in guests), giving instructions to an assistant; the list is a lot longer, but you get the idea. There were so many moments I felt like a therapist, listening to life’s highs and lows of each new person sitting in my chair every 45 minutes with many distractions. The relationships were deep and real…I still think about a lot of my clients who I really cared for tremendously.

I loved my life in the second salon I worked in, but I would leave every day totally spent both physically and emotionally. It was unsustainable for me after I had my third baby so I made the bittersweet decision to leave the salon.

What I didn’t realize then that I can see now…is the many golden nuggets of wisdom I learned in the salon industry that has zero to do with hair, skin and nails. I would like to share them with you in no particular order, so here we go:

Start with the biggest problem. I was at a cutting class in a gorgeous, modern salon in New York City and the instructor was doing a consultation with his hair model. After inspecting her hairline, length and hair texture, he paused and looked at us. Her fringe (“bangs”, in laymen terms) really bothered him. In his Italian accent he said, “I don’t have a plan yet for the whole haircut, but the biggest problem is her fringe. We start there. We always solve the biggest problem first.” Prioritizing. It’s such a basic concept, right? As an overwhelmed parent, it is the first question I ask myself ALL. THE. TIME. It’s tempting to procrastinate, ignore that gnawing problem, or do the tasks that are easy, quick to “check off the list”. Start with the biggest problem, then tackle the next biggest problem; the feeling of overwhelm diminishes exponentially. The little problems will get done too (or cease to be problems anymore) and all will come together.

Don’t undervalue yourself. I’m talking to you “people-pleasers” like me out there, who just want people to be happy. We have a tendency when people show us gratitude for something we have done to say things like, “Oh, it was nothing!” It’s NOT nothing. Accept the gratitude, allow it to fill your fuel tank. I think words like “You’re welcome”, “It was my pleasure”, “I look forward to helping again”, “I appreciate you telling me that” create more space to build confidence and self esteem. In business, don’t apologize for your prices! I worked in what I would call “high-end” salons. We put a ton of work into expensive education to be able to provide top-notch services. It was really difficult at the beginning to explain our pricing to guests. I didn’t feel worthy or confident. Guess what? Some people WANT to spend their money on your offerings. You are not bamboozling them! Assumptions about what a guest is willing or not willing to spend their money on is just getting in our own way of success. In a way, it is unfairly preferential, discriminatory, even. I realized over the years that our time, education and high quality offerings are something people want and by denying them these things is a disservice! This topic reminds me of a story that supposedly the artist Picasso shared: a woman approaches Picasso in a restaurant and asked him to draw something on a napkin. She would be happy to pay whatever he felt it was worth. Picasso complied and then said “That will be $10,000”. The astonished woman replied, “But you did that in thirty seconds!” Picasso said, “No. It has taken me forty years to do that in thirty seconds.” I love that story!

Build trust by sharing your friends. I hope this next point will change how you view competition and how to tackle market saturation. Don’t try to be everything to everyone! My friend, former boss and owner of Salon Concrete, Christine Zilinski, would say, “Guys, there is NO shortage of hair”! Likewise, there is no shortage of people who want to potentially buy your art or whatever your offering is. Go learn which customers you want to serve and attract the ones that are a good fit. Christine would instruct us to always be authentic and build trust. She would say, “During a consultation, don’t be afraid to discuss the cost of the service. Don’t allow your own limited beliefs surrounding money inhibit your growth. Give customers options in different budget ranges. Empower your guest by giving them choices. Take the time to explain what you can deliver. If it isn’t a good fit, recommend other stylists to give guests the best care. In my experience, they will appreciate your authenticity and send you 10 of their friends and return to you in the future.” I will add to her wisdom: your network of colleagues/friends will often reciprocate the gesture and it becomes a community with a lot of synergy. I can attest to this; we hosted several fundraisers with other salons to benefit hurricane relief efforts. Your vibe attracts your tribe.

Organize your butterflies and do things afraid. If you are fearful of doing something, it probably means you are growing out of your box. That’s a good thing. Anxiety can be debilitating, making it difficult to breathe, causing digestive issues, cramps, sleeplessness and so much more. Panic attacks are the worst. I saw an illustration online that featured butterflies and the copy “Anxiety is a lying b*tch”. I laughed out loud because it is funny, and so true! I like to think of anxiety as excitement, packaged a bit differently. Easier said than done, but love your anxiety. Anxiety means you care deeply. It also means you ruminate a lot about the past and the future. Get your butterflies in order (a whole topic for another post) and utilize this nervous energy to create determination to accomplish your goals. Anxiety boils down to not feeling safe, not feeling good enough, or feeling unlovable. If we can label the source of our anxiety, and change the narrative we are telling ourselves, it helps squash its power over us. One caveat: always listen to your intuition. There’s a difference between being uncomfortable in order to grow and putting yourself in dangerous situations.

Don’t wait for an invitation to enjoy the magic of new beginnings. Even if you feel like an imposter, tell yourself you deserve a seat at the table and do the next step. I hate the phrase “fake it, until you make it”. Instead, talk to people about your process, journey, education and what you are striving to do. Letting people know you aren’t sure of what is next for you is fine too. I lovingly refer to my “I don’t know what I don’t know” as “amateur hour”. For me, being a bit self deprecating (i.e. making fun of myself before anyone else can!) and admitting I’m an amateur at something gives permission to learn quickly without all the icky self loathing for not being better. Don’t take yourself SO seriously. Learn to laugh at yourself so it is easier to understand life’s lessons. When I was an apprentice I would explain to hair models (industry lingo for people paying less so you can practice techniques on them) where I was in my education. It took the pressure of being perfect away so I could improve and they were game! After explaining myself, many people weren’t expecting a perfect result, they just wanted to support me and be part of the journey. Focusing on getting better instead of providing something perfect is a lot more productive. Acknowledge the hard so it doesn’t become the impossible: I would unapologetically ask a senior stylist to help if I didn’t know how to do something. The clients who started seeing me as hair models were my most loyal guests over the years, and were willing to pay more when my prices were increased. This taught me people value connection and honesty; loyalty is built through trust.

Doing customer service well is a REALLY difficult job. I think everyone at some point in their life should attempt employment requiring customer service. Our world would be a better place! If customer service is done well, meaningful relationships and loyalty that lasts the test of time are created. Spending time learning how to be a good service provider is great for business and even better for our personal lives. This doesn’t mean saying yes to everything, but it does mean doing your best to give what you can. I like the general rule: under-promise, over-deliver. Spoiler alert: it feels really good to give and make people happy. Communication is everything. Language, spoken words and body language matter. Communication is the relationship.

Early is on time. On time is late. Late is really late. Showing up early displays you respect another person’s time as much as (or more than!) your own. Being late happens, but I think habitually late is not cool. If you are on the receiving end of someone who is late or worse, perpetually late…it is time to have a fierce conversation explaining how you feel when your time isn’t respected. Come to the conversation nonreactive and with compassion; because we truly never know someone else’s struggles. Unknowingly, you might be the one person in their life who can help them.

Unapologetically ask for what you want or need. Hopefully you have an ambassador in your corner. Whether you do or don't, be clear with yourself first, then with people concerning your physical, emotional, financial and other needs. Are you like me? I want people to just KNOW what I need or want. In my old age, I realize this fantasy is ridiculous. If you don’t have an advocate, be your own champion and learn how to assert yourself. Be polite, of course…but don’t hesitate to request things that will get you closer to your dreams.

Multitasking is over-rated. I am embarrassed to admit I used to list “good at multitasking” as one of my strengths on resumes and in interviews. Ha! While it was TRUE, I was basically admitting I didn’t value the idea of focusing on one thing at a time. Now I believe, giving your attention to one thing at a time yields better results. As a mom who has to constantly switch gears, change hats…I know it is not always possible! However, BURN OUT IS REAL. Nothing will burn your candle out at both ends faster than trying to do too much all at once. My kids have witnessed my rage-cleaning, total meltdowns because I was trying to multi-task too many jobs and I reached my threshold. It’s ugly, I assure you. I heard somewhere that mothers are the shock absorbers of society. It feels true to me, as we have to process, pivot, absorb and adapt constantly to get through the challenges of a single day. So whenever you have the option to NOT multitask, I urge you to take it! Do. One. Thing. At. A. Time.

It’s usually the systems, not people that are broken. If days are just not going well, unpack what patterns are reoccurring and fix the system. I am a visual person (shocker!). Having my calendar and to-do list on my phone is not a bad way of keeping life organized and it definitely worked for me for a long time. After my children returned to high school/ middle school/ elementary school after covid quarantine and hybrid learning ended I felt like I was sling shot back into reality. My system to keep track of who needed to be where and what needed to be done was failing on the daily. I missed meetings, forgot to return library books, spent time doing unimportant tasks…I couldn’t keep up. Today, my new system consists of index card size pieces of scrap paper on my kitchen counter with each little task, errand, project or goal I want to accomplish every day. The paper gets thrown away or moved to the side if it is part of my daily routine. Many cards remain on the counter, being pushed forward to the following day. I can move the papers around to prioritize my day…my new system works! If there is something that keeps failing for you, reevaluate the system that isn’t working. This concept is so true in business also. So many operational issues arise. Evaluate the systems; its not usually the people dropping the ball, it is the systems that are unsustainable.

Be flexible and embrace change. Goals can change. Environment changes. Life throws curve balls. Give yourself (and others) permission to adjust. I like structure and routine, so this is a tough one for me. My husband knows if my morning goes off course and I don’t get a chance to work out, tidy up a bit, etc., I will likely be in a funk the rest of the day. I’ve learned that letting go a bit, improvising and surrendering to surprises (reframe it as “adventures”) sets us up better for stress management and overall wellness. The only certainty is that life will be unpredictable, so we might as well create a toolbelt to help us handle these circumstances.

Share and teach what you know. You don’t have to be proclaimed an expert or be a high level manager to become an educator. As soon as you master a skill, find someone to mentor to reinforce the information or skill. I have been told students are the best teachers. I know my children have taught me lessons I could not have learned from a college professor. I also know I learn a lot about something when I try to explain it to someone else. Sometimes the student will ask a question you don’t know the answer to…which only creates a bigger learning garden to foster more knowledge for everyone. On the flip side, being coachable and learning how to ask for and receive feedback is one of the most important skills I learned as a hairdresser. Rewarded behavior is repeated, so be sure to acknowledge your team for their effort and your mentor for investing time in helping you grow. Don’t forget to learn from and educate your customers, buyers and guests too!

Things take time. I am not the most patient person in my daily life. I have a short fuse with tech, and also when I am working really hard in the kitchen making dinner and the rest of the family is on their devices. However, I am super patient when it comes to creating art, organizing my life, gardening and having compassion for people’s life circumstances. Have you ever heard the quote “it took a lifetime to be an overnight success”? I think it is true that perseverance, passion and purpose eventually gain momentum and get you where you want to be. If you operate in an authentic manner, success (however each individual defines success) will come. There is a specific angst, uncomfortable feeling of tension and urgency when you are eager to learn and grow. It’s a necessary discomfort though, fueling all the hard work necessary to get closer to achieving goals. Go at your own pace.

Don’t wait to be inspired by others or for inspiration to arrive on its own. Actively go and seek it out. Use vision boards, journals, sketchbooks, photos, apps to document ideas so it’s at your fingertips when you need to feel that fire in your belly again. Be a copycat. Find someone who is doing what you want to do really well and observe. Take notice of what they are putting out into the world, their habits, how they show up, spend their time, how they communicate and interact. Do what they do!

Use the best tools you can afford for your endeavors. My haircuts improved tremendously when I purchased better shears, combs, clips and hot tools. The same goes for any business, hobby or craft. It’s not an area to skimp. Compromising the quality of your tools will compromise the quality of your offerings, cost you more time and ultimately money. Take care of and protect your equipment, technology and proprietary information. It’s also just a really good look! Isn’t it true you feel you are in great hands (safer!) when you see the person taking care of you takes impeccable care of their stuff?

Tell everyone you come in contact with what it is you do. Self promotion feels and kind of is cringey. Change this belief into making yourself and whatever you have to offer available to those that want it. Reframe marketing and promotion as creating opportunities to be curious about other people’s needs and learning how you can fulfill and help them. It’s a win-win for all if the ego is removed. Growing isn’t a part time job. The only way to get better is to develop your craft, mind and body. Never stop learning. The joy is unlocking the next level, not performing the one thing you have mastered.