Manifesting Through Self Worth Not Vision Boards
I was obsessed with magazines as a preteen and teenager. My family had a National Geographic subscription from before I was born. I had a close friend who had a bunch of subscriptions. When we would hang out at her house, I would consume every page of every mag she had. It was part escapism from teen angst and part catalyst to dream big dreams. I wasn’t starstruck or fixated on celebrities. I didn’t pay much attention to articles about “how to lose those last 10 pounds” or “how to please your man”. I swooned at the images of places I had not been yet, photographs of impossibly cool fashion, hair and beauty. It was the expression of creativity I longed for deeply.
In college, I subscribed to W magazine. I would tear out, cut and tape images on my wall that inspired me; I saved pages in a folder. Before vision boarding and Pinterest existed, I was doing my version of it. I saved every monthly issue of W. I used the images for reference photos when completing art assignments at Rutgers. This was a world that felt far, far away. Untouchable and beautiful. When I traveled to Europe and studied art history in Paris the summer between my junior and senior year, that world (of creativity and creation of interesting things) felt a bit more accessible…possible.
I spent downtime in my first job trying to reconcile being financially independent and abandoning my creative impulse. I thought there must be a path that can combine both creativity and the technical, business-minded person. I didn’t stop absorbing the inspiration on the pages of magazines. It gave me so much hope I would be able to find my way. I eventually resigned from my corporate job and entered via scholarship the salon industry. When it wasn’t busy, I would clean, fold foils and devour every magazine in the salon.
There came a time - post-wedding, pre-kids - when I was working in a hair salon, that I felt overwhelmed by images. The owner was valiantly trying to grow a team with big goals. Every January we would have a vision-boarding workshop. Even though I had been doing this organically for over 15 years of my life, it felt so forced. I was not connecting to the exercise at all. I declared quietly to myself, “My goal is to have no goals.” My vision board was empty. I wasn’t being rebellious. I was just not connecting.
When we moved homes, I recycled (trashed!) all of my beautiful oversized, glossy W magazines out of frustration. I regret it now (because I love making collages), but back then I was purging all the dreams that seemed childish and stupid. My priorities shifted to keeping my little humans alive. I was over it. I was over the idea of vision boarding. “Manifesting” felt like total bullsh*t while I was in the middle of diapering, pureeing sweet potatoes and breastfeeding. I had two kids at the time and about to be pregnant with my third.
I wanted to live in the moment, soak up motherhood and just be grateful for the all the blessings in the present. Setting high expectations for myself at that time was not great for my mental health and was honestly harmful. I came out the other side just fine, but when I look back, that could have spiraled into a really dark place. Lesson learned: self-imposed expectations is for the birds. I wanted some other power to take the reigns and guide me on a path that would provide joy. I did surrender to the motherhood journey and put all the other aspirations on the back burner.
So here is what I learned: manifesting is a trust muscle that becomes stronger the more it is used. Realizing goals and dreams is done through your self-worth and not vision boards. Read that again! Then keep reading more below…
Images from my archives: Collage creation in progress, Never go to the beach without a W Magazine, Allure Magazine March 2005 (the issue with an Aveda ad announcing scholarship winners; I was one of them!) , Collage using some vintage images, Bike ride in Giverny (birthplace of Monet) with my art history classmates, Me walking over a bridge in Paris, People watching in a Paris cafe, Happy hour in Paris with my art history classmates, View of the Eiffel Tower from our residence, Eiffel Tower, Paris maps, IDs and metro cards
There are three simple things to pay close attention to: blocks, expanders and tests.
Let me explain. We’re like onions (stay with me). I think we spend our adult lives peeling back the layers to rediscover our true authentic selves…the person we were born as. Through environmental or social circumstances most of us stray far away from our true selves and adapt to survive. I have heard this realization and process of returning to oneself called unlearning, or unbecoming. That resonates with me and over the last two + years I have been unlearning and unbecoming.
My experience has been: we have to unblock and unprogram some of our childhood learning about ourselves, others and our world. These imprints can be witnessed or experienced firsthand. It creates blocks or walls in our subconscious. Childhood programming can inform us our dreams cannot possibly exist in the real world. The key seems to be to show ourselves a new narrative later in life when we recognize our childhood imprints.
Remove the blocks, then we can call in what we want in order to grow and expand.
Positivity is a bi-product of achievements, creating momentum…not the catalyst of realizing goals. Believing you are worthy of the goal is the catalyst and vessel in achieving your heart’s desire. I spent so many years in my 20’s “thinking positive” and “visualizing”. My 30’s were a blur of feeding children, cleaning, laundering, and meeting the expectations of others. I noticed a pattern in my life: anytime I achieved anything I dreamed about accomplishing or having it wasn’t through positivity or visualization. It was through autonomy, believing I was worth it, commitment, determination and grit. I was and still am constantly examining (and removing) the “blocks” in my life and reconciling the gap between my current abilities and creating the skills that will help me grow.
Our desires and goals tend to be “greater” than our view of our self worth. It is a leap of faith off a very steep mental cliff requiring a bit of thought curation which pivots away from self deprecation and turning attention towards growth and possibility. Stepping into my self-worth, empowering myself, is what has propelled me to achieve anything I set out for in life: I am worthy of this education. I am worthy of this adventure. I am worthy of this degree. I am worthy of this job. I am worthy of this relationship. I am worthy of this marriage. I am worthy of this scholarship. I am worthy of being a mother. I am worthy of this vacation. I am worthy of being a business owner. I am worthy of these clients. I am worthy of showing my work and claiming the title of artist. I am worthy.
Another critical catalyst in realizing goals and dreams is finding the “expanders” in your life.
An expander is a role model: someone who we relate to in some way. Maybe they had a similar childhood or life experiences. They embody or are successful in a desire that aligns with your desires. They might share your values or what is important to you. They have overcome similar challenges or trauma in life.
When I was a teen the expanders were the creators behind those magazines as well as featured artists, musicians, business owners, fashion designers and models that graced the glossy pages. When I was in college my portfolio of expanders included professors, friends and family who pursued the arts despite all the nay-sayers (and are big success stories…they thrived!), as well as people I met abroad. In my post college years, my expanders included some of my employers, coworkers and friends who followed their passions and became entrepreneurs.
During quarantine, my expanders were strangers online, movies, documentaries, characters in books and podcasts. Emerging myself in those worlds, my subconscious blurred reality and in some cases there were comparisons I could identify. Without realizing it, I created space for what I perceived previously as impossible. My curiosity about people’s stories in combination with believing I could bring something of value to other people’s lives is what ignited the flame to start a tiny art business.
When I felt worthy I started to see all the people in real life doing the things I wanted to try. You can see it is achievable, and the subconscious creates space that it can also be a reality for you. Comparisons like this - expanders - help us believe what we want is possible. I allowed my experiences to grow my confidence. I replaced saying things like “not good enough” with “I will only get better at this, the more I do it”. I acknowledged ego, insecurity, lack of confidence only paralyzes growth. Allowing ourselves to have the imposter syndrome narrative also only slows momentum towards realizing our dreams.
Self-worth is the law of attraction; vision boards don’t create the attraction. Although I don’t think we can manifest for others, I believe we can be expanders for others. As parents, we are imperfect humans, but being an expander for our children is powerful. If a child sees their parents go through life utilizing self worth to attain dreams, they will learn how to do it through this modeling. We can be vision holders and expanders for our children and loved ones. We can inspire and build people up.
We are continually tested by the “universe”, or whatever you want to call it, to see if we truly connect with the desired dream, achievement, goal or thing.
The test is to determine “Is this what you REALLY want?” Meaning…your effort, mindset and the times will get challenging…will you give up? Will you weather the storm and stick it out? Being resilient when you face challenges is a declaration you make that you are worthy of the thing you are working towards. Believing you deserve it will help you achieve it. Are we willing to lower our self worth? Are you willing to settle? If yes, we continue to block manifesting the thing we want.
When we pass the test of self worth we connect with what we want. I think one of my duties on this earth is to guide myself into the whole authentic being I was born as. Our lives are spent processing pain, shame and dealing with layers of ego that grew over us for so-called “protection”. Peeling back those layers and being there to help others peel back the layers doesn’t leave us vulnerable. It allows space for good things that has a magical ripple effect with infinite capacity.
Can I get a hell yeah!?
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Stay inspired,
Melanka
