Are you “Little MISS or Mr. FOMO”? 5 Ways Not To be.
Lately I have been seeing so many of the “Little Miss” and “Mr. Men” illustrations on social media based on the Roger Hargreaves books I used to love as a kid. I still have a small collection. It was always my number one choice at school book fairs, even when I got into chapter books. I love this series and original illustrations so much. A few years ago I even bought a “Little Miss Sunshine” t-shirt. I am definitely not cheerful all the time (ask my family) but love the irony of that coupled with the retro, positive vibes of the shirt.
The “Little Miss” illustration I saw recently on Instagram or Twitter that that made me laugh out loud was “Little Miss Doesn’t Know How to Pump Her Own Gas”. I’m a jersey girl, so it is pretty self-explanatory. There are so many of these I find myself nodding my head and saying to myself, “Yup! That’s me!”: “Little Miss Makes Her Family Workout On Vacation”, “Little Miss Slava Ukraini”, “Little Miss Always Looking For Her Phone”…and so many more. Follow @littlemissnotesapp on Instagram for more of these!
The one I haven’t seen yet that would really resonate with me is Little Miss FOMO. I’m sure you already know this, but FOMO is the acronym for “fear of missing out”. Do you have it? So, maybe “fear” is an exaggeration. I don’t “fear” missing out on experiences with friends, my husband or kids. However, I often DO have trouble reconciling wanting to be in two places at once. I want a break from the kids, but 100% feel like I am missing out on my kids’ memorable childhood experiences when I decide to stay home when they venture out with dad to watch the fireworks in a neighboring town.
FOMO looks different at different stages in life. In elementary school, FOMO drove me to sign up for gymnastics to be part of a friend crew I really loved, even though I sucked at gymnastics, am really inflexible and scared of heights. In high school, FOMO looked like attending a family function when I really wanted to go to a sweet 16 party. In college, it was deciding between a frat party with new friends and a club in New York City with my wild room mate who effortlessly attracted adventure. Currently, it is the decision between staying home to watch Netflix in peace with a glass of wine or to rally inner energy to deal with four+ extra hours of chaos. I often opt for the latter because I know we only have a fixed number of summers with our children.
Every year it is the same thing. I have the fantasy that school ends and things will slow down. It is true maybe we sleep in an hour more. We also stay up later. Summer is EXHAUSTING. Where does everyone get their seemingly endless energy from? I forget what it is like to have three additional humans in my space. Watching them glued to their devices while I pick up socks, wet towels and bathing suits makes my blood boil. I find I spend much of my day demanding them to get off their computers, iPads, phones, etc. They go to camps, but the time in between is crazy. Laundry is everywhere. Paperwork, notebooks, supplies from the past school year lingers and emerges from random nooks and crannies of the house. As soon as dishes are cleared from the sink, a whole bunch more show up immediately. It is infuriating. Summer is supposed to be a care free, glorious time in a child’s life…in our family’s life!
With that image of my household in mind, one can maybe see how the attempt to sit down and work on a painting every day takes a disciplined mindset. I am almost always needed moments after I settle into my project for one thing or another, or friends of my kids come to hang out and I can not get into a creative flow.
All of these dynamics had me reflecting over the question…how does one create routine and balance in the summer, overcome FOMO, especially when you have kids?!?
Here is what I came up with and I hope it is helpful for you as well:
Start with the biggest problem. Years ago, I was in a hair cutting class in NYC. The educator said exactly that: start with the biggest problem. Easy enough, right? After the consultation with his model he said to the students, “while you are prepping the hair and deciding what you will do first…think about what is bothering you the most…AND START THERE”. It is so weird that thirteen+ years later I am still reflecting on that advice. It’s so obvious, yet we get overwhelmed, indecisive and confused about what to do first. Start with the biggest problem. It is ridiculously simple. However, when you are a busy person, parent, or whatever…so overwhelmed…we need to be reminded to start with the thing that is gnawing at us the most. With the haircut, the instructor felt the bangs (fringe) area was the most challenging spot due to a cowlick and weak hairline. This factor would determine the rest of the haircut. All the other components and decisions fall into place after that initial shape was determined and executed. I think about this life experience EVERY time I feel overwhelmed. I think it is always a good choice to start with the biggest problem so it isn’t a distraction, momentum can take over and all the other tasks or details can fall into place. I find I use this strategy when I get stuck on a painting as well. When I start questioning the direction I should take, I always ask myself what is bothering me the most and what next decision will resolve the issue.
You can only do one thing at a time. It sounds obvious, but we are inundated with messaging we can do it all (at once). Gen-Xers, I am speaking especially to you. Somehow when we were growing up we were taught “multi-tasking” became a thing to strive for; a virtue even! I literally remember listing it as a skill on job resumes. F*ck that. Multi-tasking really means you are dividing your attention among several things and nothing is getting your 100% effort. How is that a good thing? Even if we are “capable” of it, multi-tasking is another way of saying no one thing is deserving of our full attention. Scheduling time to do all the things after prioritizing makes a lot more sense. It means you value a person, task, or project. Some things will have to wait, and that is O.K.
Keep a very short daily “To-Do” List. Every morning before I coerce my body out of bed I first do a mental full body scan. I become aware of where I have any discomfort, physically and emotionally. Next, I acknowledge what I’m feeling, give myself permission to vent about it and tell myself a few encouraging things as if I am talking to 10 year old me. I express some gratitude about what is good and working well. Then, I set an intention for the day. I think of a very, very short “To-Do” list (or a don’t do list!); some days it is literally one thing. Other days, I have three things on my list that are outside what I like to call “the basics” (like loading the dishwasher, doing a grocery run, etc.). There is never more than five things on the list. I keep a master “To-Do” list for the very rare days I complete my short list and still have energy and time to do more. It also helps keeps random ideas on your radar. The big list is not front and center; that would be overwhelming. I would also feel like I am failing to have that big list of things that aren’t done on constant view. It’s helpful to acknowledge what you did accomplish at the end of your day too. Often we get things done and never look back. I love seeing the line through the things I did, so I have a physical piece of paper on my desk or kitchen counter. The reminder app on my phone is ok…except the items disappear once they have been completed. I’m not a fan of that. It’s easier to overcome FOMO when you reflect on how you spent your day. Surrendering to the fact that something has to give makes it all more manageable.
Take breaks. Breaks look very different for everyone. It could also look different for you any given day depending on how you feel. Make sure you get all the different types of rest (see my blog post 5 Ways To Battle Burnout). This will make it easier to be mindful about your schedule and events on your calendar. If you aren’t tired, you will have the clarity to know what engagements make sense to attend, be it social, for work or otherwise. With social media, phones and other tech we are connected to everyone at all times, and a lot of the time we aren’t REALLY connecting. A lot of the times we are really just watching the lives of others without really being a part of it. For some people, I think there is some sadness surrounding this, as if the world is moving without them. Our desire for interpersonal connection can be especially strong after our pandemic experiences. For other people, like me, there’s more of an anxiousness surrounding our decisions that maybe wasn’t there pre-COVID times. Deciding to attend and get ready for even simple, casual events take a valiant effort when it used to be something that was done on a whim. Getting all the rest provides clarity and gives FOMO less weight/ less significance and power of your mental health.
Ask yourself, “What is the best use of my time?”. All the messaging around us has a grand sense of urgency to it and an undertone of comparison. We don’t even realize how many times a day we experience anxiety and stress inducing deadlines and headlines that begin to dictate how you spend your time. It’s everywhere: social media stories that disappear in 24 hours, limited time to sign up for a workshop before the price goes up, streaming movies with expiration dates, wording like “Don’t wait! For a limited time! Act now! Only 3 left!”, you get the idea… Don’t buy into any of this bullsh*t. You are still in control of how you spend your time despite these forces pulling you in a million directions. Remind yourself there’s another opportunity around the corner and your journey is unique to you. Focus on doing the things that are the most meaningful for you and will move you one step closer to where you want to be. In the process, avoid comparison and practice supporting and being happy for the people around you.
The only thing that is guaranteed in life it seems is the way to choose to spend this single present moment. Reflecting and learning from the past is important, but dwelling there is a waste of time and energy. Our future is not guaranteed, so even though dreaming and planning is important and wonderful, I think giving too much weight to our schedules can lead to frustration, disappointment and anxiety. Squash your FOMO. Choose to do the thing this very moment that is the best use of your time, gives you joy and spreads joy to the people in your community. Joy is contagious!
