Be Brave Enough To Suck At Something New!

Are you brave enough to suck at something new?

I came across an illustration recently with lettering that read “be brave enough to suck at something new”…and this message really stuck with me while I was prepping for my most recent event Art In the Garden at Calgo Gardens in Freehold, New Jersey. I laughed about it, then really reflected on how much truth there is in that statement.

Idle time in quarantine gave me space and the courage to suck at something new…creating “art”. I had nothing to lose. I had no audience (except my husband and children). Giving myself permission to reserve judgement and just create without expectations was amazing. My motivation to create was intrinsically driven. I started a creative practice out of the sheer pleasure of doing it.

I noticed my children were watching. I intentionally decided since I had their attention I would seize the moment and send them a strong message. I tried to show them through my actions: no matter your history or the path you have been on…throw perfection paralysis to the wind. Allow yourself to try new things, even if it is something you think you might be really bad at doing. Try that thing that has been bubbling up for you (and that you have been pushing away intentionally or unintentionally).

Side note: have you ever noticed the things that bubble up don’t go away until you listen to that voice and do something about it? It mostly just our ego and self talk that holds us back.

Making art…it is not the first time I sucked at something new: coloring and cutting a guest’s hair at the Aveda Institute for the first time circa 2005, running a 5k race after 25 years of not racing, awkwardly lifting free weights, getting up on a wakeboard after face-planting several times while my (then) boyfriend and all his friends were watching, substitute teaching Sunday School when my theological knowledge is eh at best (yikes!), and the mother-of-all “sucking at something new” …PARENTING TEENAGERS.

I think this message of having the courage to be bad at something is just SO important. I will be saying the phrase “be brave enough to suck at something new” to my kids over and over. While messages like “wake up and be awesome” are positive and great, I think some of us need to hear “it’s ok to suck today, just take a step towards the thing that will help you grow and make your soul sing”. If you’re not failing it probably means you haven’t tried anything new lately and…spoiler alert…aren’t stretching outside your comfort zone.

Another illustration I came across years ago has copy that says “nobody gives a sh*t!” (sad face illustration)…then “nobody gives a sh*t!” (happy face illustration). I really wish I knew who to credit for this illustration! It’s so simple but the message is powerful! Do the things that are not just extrinsically driven. It means you are attempting activities that do more than pay the bills, are for social media “likes” or solely making other people happy.

We should totally strive to be compassionate, caring humans…however, I think we allow the opinion of others to hold too much weight. We need to stop caring so much about how those around us will react when we are being true to ourselves and honoring those intrinsically driven values.

In my conversations with people trying something outside their comfort zone, the common theme has been this cringy, out-of-integrity feeling of acting like an imposter. Imposter syndrome is real, but it also fades away when you persist through the discomfort of growing pains. Eventually you build your confidence and feelings of authenticity return.

Seriously, isn’t it so silly to have the expectation we must know-it-all at the beginning of a new endeavor?! Allow yourself and encourage others to be unapologetically curious and to keep learning (like…forever!); I think this mindset could create a cultural shift helping people find more purpose and happiness in their lives.

For survival, our lives naturally are a mix of activities that are both intrinsically and extrinsically motivated. However, the more life becomes dominated by extrinsically driven values, the more likely we will experience anxiety, depression and loneliness. Unfortunately due to our culture we have become much more driven by extrinsic values like money, acquisitions and status. It is even more magnified for the generation growing up now who didn’t know life before social media or the internet. We live in a machine that is designed to get us to neglect what is important in life. We can disrupt that machine together, and shift our lives out of depressive, anxious and, at times, lonely existence by dedicating more experiences driven by meaningful intrinsic values instead of junk extrinsic values.

I often think about why anxiety and depression exists in the first place and what is trying to tell us. Being “well adjusted” to a society that has been kind of sick and unhealthy has given me pause...being highly functional and productive is not necessarily a sign of health. Anxiety and depression points more to what isn’t right in our environment than it does to all of us as individuals. It means our personal needs - of feeling safe or loveable or good enough - are not being met.

This shift in my thinking, specifically to prioritize tasks and activities that are intrinsically driven, has been very helpful. It’s the nudge I needed to feel passionate about something again, reestablish alignment and balance around my identity as a mother and my own person, and find greater purpose in my life.

As an introvert, my new “nobody gives a sh*t!” mantra, helped me put my people-pleasing ways to the side and create deeper connections with other like-minded people. I discovered I love collaborating with people. There is so much strength in it when the synergy works. It is difficult to put into words the amount of joy I feel when I have convinced someone to take a seat at the table and create with me.

Even if depression or another mental health challenge isn’t in the mix, I think there are loads of people who could find more joy in their lives if they spent time encouraging themselves and everyone around them to be brave enough to suck at something new. Invite yourself and them to the table. Share and teach what you know. Be humble and curious enough to try something new yourself. Nobody gives a sh*t! Just do the thing that has been tugging at your heart, tapping on your shoulder and trying to get your attention. Pursue it. Do that thing!!!

Have you been brave enough to suck at something new? I would love to hear your story! Send me a message!