5 Ways To Battle Burnout
Many of you know from my social media posts I am a mom of three boys, ages 15, 12 and 9. Being a parent is difficult. Keeping the household machine functioning smoothly often feels impossible.
I recently remembered what the great pause of quarantine felt like. I am weirdly, unexpectedly nostalgic for that time. At least for the silver lining parts of it. For example, I would sleep in, stay in my pajamas most, if not, the WHOLE day, sip coffee with my husband outside or while working on a puzzle, escape into a book, go for a long walk or run, paint or draw, watch Netflix, day drink, …
It goes without saying how scary and uncertain a time Spring 2020 was outside of my house walls. Looking back I view it somehow as a strange version of a stay-cation.
Flash forward two years. We’ve abandoned our masks for the most part, virtual learning is a distant memory, school sports are in full swing, and social schedules are bursting at the seams. Boy Scouts is making up for lost time, the church community is excited to be back in-person bringing the community together with various events (all of which require parent volunteers), my husband and I even joined a bowling league! With three kids in three schools, I’m an UBER for my kids. One day I counted 14 trips to and from school.
Our family even rescued a dog named Remi from a kill shelter in West Virginia. What a difference two years makes!
While season 8 of the Covid pandemic “Omicron” seems to have had a weak finale (thank goodness), we find ourselves witnessing a war in Ukraine...a new kind of sickness. If you read my last blog post, I’m sure it’s evident how this Russian aggression and war crimes in the land of my grandparents and extended family has affected me. So much happens and changes on a daily basis! Right before Easter I learned a grand nephew of my paternal grandfather was killed in action by an enemy sniper. He was in his twenties. I didn’t know him, but my heart hurts for his immediate family.
I was a vendor at my first art fair last week (woot, woot!) and amidst all my quarantine art, I collected donations for humanitarian aid in Ukraine. My mother sewed ribbons for people to show their support. I had beautiful conversations and connected with event attendees about Ukraine. People were enthusiastic about contributing funds in exchange for yellow and blue friendship bracelets, Ukrainian flag stickers, tryzub car magnets and mugs. The overwhelming theme was the feeling of helplessness and disbelief about the state of affairs in Eastern Europe.
For anyone who donated (via merch online and in-person) and is reading this….we, as a peace and freedom-loving community, raised $1,411.76 for humanitarian aid in Ukraine. I made the donation today via UNWLA.org (Ukrainian National Women’s League of America). I know the world is traumatized by the horrors that occurred and continue to happen there. We forgot what evil can do. We need to remind ourselves how complacency and fatigue is not an option, as it empowers and fuels the aggression of invaders of democracy. Ukraine is fighting for all of Europe and democracies around the world. It feels like World War III is inevitable; we are already there, whether we like it, or not.
As the world processes this trauma, grieves and tries to help however we can, life has to continue. Children need to be fed, work commitments must be fulfilled, homes need to be maintained, pets need to be cared for, taxes need to be paid, homework, laundry, cleaning…life is still busy.
This is why I was fantasizing about quarantine days. Burnout is always at the surface, everyday. Oh, how I long for long blocks of time to create, and feed my spirit! I found myself in a creative rut, as I was preparing for the art fair and doing the more administrative tasks that made me feel like a candle burning from both ends. I have become more conscious over the last few months, especially the last few weeks, the things I do to battle burnout. So let’s get to the good stuff!
This list isn’t just for creators, makers or artists. We ALL suffer burnout. It is the feeling of being on a hamster wheel or experiencing “groundhog day”; unmotivated, uninspired, hopeless, unproductive, cloudy, depressed, self doubting or self loathing…there may not even be a rational reason for any of these feelings. “On paper” life might actually be pretty swell. You might be getting sleep but still feel tired. Your mood might ebb and flow. No matter what the circumstances, I believe these tips are helpful for anyone with a pulse, even our children.
Get all 7 types of rest. I buy in to the idea that there is no such thing as lazy. Even machines need rest . We shut them down and hit restart. We don’t expect constant output from machines, so why do we expect it from ourselves? Your worth isn’t something you earn by being productive 100% of the time. Think of a baby. An newborn hasn’t done anything to earn their “value”, yet babies are a precious, priceless gift and mean the world to us. The idea of “laziness” breeds shame. It distorts reality. Shame doesn’t like the daylight; it creates darkness inside us. So get rid of the “I’m being so lazy” self talk, and re-frame it as “I am in need of the 7 types of rest”. According to Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith’s theory of rest, the 7 types of rest are: physical rest, mental rest, social rest, spiritual rest, sensory rest, emotional rest, and creative rest. Lately, I have observed the sensory rest is the most difficult for me to find. I have a drum set in my living room and live with 4 males (5 if you count the dog); need I say more? There is more information on each of these here: 7 Types of Rest “GET SOME REST!” has new meaning, doesn’t it?
You decide how you will spend your time. “That doesn’t work for me”. Read that again. Say it out loud. Say it to your reflection in the mirror. Practice saying it to your children when they ask for brownies for breakfast. We are pulled in every direction and stretched thin. Life can be a demanding, hungry beast. Even well meaning friends, family, coworkers make requests or favors that (often unknowingly) become super demanding. My mother always says no good deed goes unpunished. Meaning, the more awesome and generous you are, people come back for more, not realizing your well is running dry. It is a lot of little commitments that accumulate on your Google calendar and become overwhelming, daunting, and anxiety-inducing. Stop the excuses or lies about why “you can’t”. You don’t need any of that. Simply state “thank you, however, that won’t work for me”. You don’t need a reason! Sidenote: when you receive a text, think if it really warrants a response and is the best use of your time. What is it taking you away from? This can be a source of energy depletion and recipe for burnout. I find women especially (I’m totally guilty!) feel like they need to explain themselves. Stop explaining, prioritize and do the important things! Start with the thing that is the biggest pain or problem. You’ll gain momentum to keep going.
Move and play. Whether you need to schedule time or do it spontaneously…MOVE. YOUR. BODY. I’m not a doctor or scientist, but I assure you, anecdotally, I know the more you move your body the more energy you have physically and mentally. I get the most wonderful ideas when I go for walks, do some weeding or (let’s be real) angry-clean. The body moving, quiets the monkey brain, and allows for problem solving to occur without you even knowing it. I have a pretty basic Garmin watch that literally yells “MOVE!” if I have been sitting in one spot for more than 30 minutes. It’s great for people like me who have OCD-ish tendencies. Good luck ripping me away to “take a break” (feels like a waste of time?!?) when I’m in a creative zone or making progress organizing something. I will skip meals when I’m in that mode; and it’s not healthy! If you find yourself exhausted but unable to stop working on something, a wristwatch or reminders on your phone might be a good tool to employ to encourage you to get those mental breaks.
Don’t wait for permission or make excuses. Life is too short, YOLO! Ugh. This is a biggie. The time is always now to take steps towards something you have been thinking about doing. Burnout can happen because we spin our wheels doing the routine that feels comfortable. NOTHING CHANGES WITHOUT CHANGES. Be your own champion. I wake up every morning and speak to myself the way a mother would speak to her child, wondering if they have what it takes to overcome challenges or reach some goals. I tell her “You got this. I’m proud of you. One step at a time. You deserve this. Take care of yourself. Take a deep breath. It’s ok not to know how, you’ll figure it out. ” You get the idea. Let the failures you experience guide your next steps. I’m generally pretty risk-averse and a rule follower, so this tip took the longest for me to put into action. I find myself saying “Let’s see what happens!” or “What’s the worst that can happen?” A LOT. It took me a long time to get out of my own way (perfection paralysis friends, you know what I’m talking about!) and be 100% honest with myself about my desires. My (self imposed) responsibilities, imposter syndrome ideas, self-doubt, excuses….always prevented me from taking the next steps. There’s a great meme I wish I could find to add here that I still think of: “Nobody Gives a Sht!” (sad face cartoon) / “Nobody Gives a Sh*t! (excited face cartoon). Don’t let the idea you created that you can’t do something, stop you. Don’t wait for someone or something to give you permission to do the thing that brings you joy.
Collaborate with a friend or take time alone. Check in with yourself and decide if being with other people today creates energy in you or depletes you of energy. Creating or going through your day in a vacuum can be very lonely and be the fast lane to burnout. Or maybe you are surrounded by plenty of good people, but still feel lonely or alone; disconnected, misunderstood. Collaborating with a friend can validate whatever you are going through or perhaps give you the confidence to do the next difficult thing. I think learning to be an amazing listener and giving back to a friend in that way creates a sense of trust and purpose that fuels the fire to continue building a full, happy life. Building a vocabulary to describe our feelings is really important to be able to live with all those difficult challenges and process traumas we experience. Being honest with ourselves and each other, and sitting with those emotions is critical to battling burnout. Tomorrow is a new day. I visualize it like this: I am sitting at a table, eating a meal with Anxiety, Anger, Grief. I acknowledge all whom are present are not great company. You get through it and invite Joy, Love and Compassion to your next dinner party. Find your person, even if sometimes it has to be just you.
Do you have a tip on how you battle burnout or maybe a topic I should write about in my next blog? Message me below!
Support the humanitarian effort in Ukraine through your ART THAT GIVES BACK purchase and direct donations to trustworthy organizations doing important work.
